Traditions and old assumptions about education are a thing of the past. We are in a new century and times have changed so much – but education appears to be the same in many schools. What education catered for in the past has now changed and children need to be prepared for their future in THE NEW WORLD – not the world that has passed by. However, having said that, I am adamant that certain things, like spelling, need to be adhered to as in the past. You may ask the reason for this and may state that we have computers to check spelling etc. However, some things cry out for explanations - and I think spelling is one. No matter how much technology can do, we will always need to be able to read. Even though we have calculators that can give instant answers in maths, it is good for the brain to understand how and why the answers given by a machine are correct.
In the past one went to school to be educated. However, a child can now be educated using a computer and certain programs. In the past knowledge was contained in things called subjects – these were isolated chunks of knowledge given to children by the all-knowing teacher. This knowledge needed to be almost learnt by heart and the child’s MEMORY was tested. Many children are nervous before tests and exams and their mind goes blank – forgetting what they had learnt. Once outside the exam room, their memory returns and they are able to regurgitate, word for word, what they had learnt. So the acquisition and demonstration of acquired knowledge was never really tested.
It is my opinion that knowledge can never be given – it should be built or constructed by a person. Sure, one can pass on knowledge but the foundations for that knowledge need to be ‘built’ on paths which have been effectively laid. Knowledge needs to be inter-related – that is why thematic teaching is such a good thing. For example - in the past the syllabus dictated that a particular section of knowledge belonged in history lessons. So, for arguments sake, let’s take the Boer War. In the history period the class would learn about the Boer War. However, on the same day in the same class the Geography lesson could be about Iceland. Is it not much more effective if at the time we learn about the Boer war we also extend and expand the knowledge to include learning about the country the war was fought in, reflect on the feelings of the people, discover the effects on the terrain and the economy, research the design of the army gear and weapons, methods of attack etc.?
Knowledge can be built by doing research on the computer, reading books, examining art, listening to the type of music and the words of the songs in that era, examining the poems of the great poets pertaining to war, reading about the doctors and nurses that played such a huge part in war etc. etc. This type of learning caters for the many types of intelligences and is holistic. The knowledge gained will not be kept in separate little boxes and stored somewhere in the brain.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
High rate of divorce
I have pondered long and hard as to the reason why so many parents are divorced today. According to research the statistics for divorce in this age is almost 1 in 3. Why? What has changed in the past years to create this? How different are people today than they were years ago? When I was young one seldom heard of divorce and, if it were so, it was hushed up. Why should this be when people in the past got married at 15 and stayed happily married for years? My mother was married at 20, and I was married at 21 (wanted to get married at 19 but parents nearly went hysterical!) and my daughter, Jodi got married at 23. Today, to get married in the 30’s is the norm. What does this tell us? People are getting married later and later. Does this have an impact on the high rate of divorce today? Maybe the couple does not experience growing up together; maybe the couple are too worldly wise by the time they get married and realize what they are missing out on; maybe they are not willing to give and take, realizing that at times one partner needs to give more than the other; maybe they have become too independent and don’t enjoy being part of the “one” that the Bible speaks about when a couple gets married. We know that the Bible says that a man shall “... leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and the two shall be one.”
I have realised throughout the years that no-one has the right to point a finger at divorce until they have walked in the shoes of the couple. However, the saddest part of divorce is always the children - the fruit of the couple - who love both parents dearly and now have to separate from the one for a time. I say separate because it is true. Although the child will get to see his/her mother/father once a week/every 2nd week, it is not the same as having Mom and Dad ‘there’ all the time. There’s a gaping hole, a wound that is so sore as it reaches the very core of the child. The child will not be able to explain this ache and may start acting different from his/her normal behaviour. The child may revert to babyish habits or start being cheeky. The child feels insecure - one of the 2 pillars of strengths he/she has relied on for comfort, security, stability has now been removed and he/she is left floundering and insecure. Instead of remaining firm and consistent to provide that security and saying “Hey I’m here still, I haven’t changed, lean on me twice”, five times out of ten the ‘left behind’ parent displays sympathy and leniency towards the child. Parents need to realise that the child still needs to feel there are boundaries and Mom and Dad are still his/her pillar of strength.
I can just imagine the heartache all round, the pain must be so deep for all involved and one cannot blame any member of the triangle (mom, dad and child) for not knowing how to act. I have over the many years seen many, many parents/children go through divorce and the emotional upheaval is really not pleasant.
Possible reasons why marriages don’t last today as in the past
* Today divorce is too easy and people are much too busy, or don’t think they need, for counselling to discover problems and to work on them.
* Female independence - women as a social group are far more
independent today and have a different identity from women in the past. They are able to provide for themselves as most women today are working.
* Pride, Ego, Unforgiveness
(Although hard to bear, an unfaithful spouse can be forgiven once if there is true repentance). Some people are not willing to humble themselves and ask for forgiveness, whilst others are not willing to forgive. It always amazes me when parents and I have a meeting - the finger mostly points outwards and never inwards. No-one is, nor can ever be, perfect. Acknowledge your faults and work on them.
* Fashion
Single parenthood is socially accepted today and is even quite fashionable! Vows made e.g. “Till death do us part” are totally forgotten. Couples are not willing to stop and reconsider, to go for counselling to reflect and ask God to renew the love that once was.
* Girls/Boys Night out
I personally don’t agree with this practice. I believe when a couple is joined in marriage they become “one”. Why does the one half have to leave the other half behind? Too many times I’ve seen the one half meet someone else on ‘girls/boys’evenings out and the marriage is no longer half + half = 1, but half + 1 and a half trying to be one! Should a husband/wife wish to play a sport/attend a lesson or a new hobby etc. on a weekend, I see no harm in this. However, to go out and mix with other singles who are on the constant ‘look-out’ for a woman/man, is to invite trouble.
* Immaturity and Irresponsibility
Many people are immature today and have no sense of responsibility. I believe if you are mature enough to get married or have a child, you are old enough to accept the responsibility! It is up to the man to create a home for his family, to love and appreciate his wife and to protect and nurture her. Women need to nurture their husband and children, be at their husband’s side to encourage him, love him and boost him.Families need to do things together. Supper time should see the family sitting together having their meal around a table.
• Pressure, Neglect and Greener Grass
There is a lot of pressure on couples today. Most mothers have to work and it is not easy to juggle the roles of wife/mother/lover/provider/cook/housekeeper etc. etc. Most young couples still have their parents alive and have to play the role of son/daughter. Often things get too much and in the crazy world of life the spouse is usually the one who is neglected because “he/she will understand”. However, the ego needs to be boosted now and again, one doesn’t want to feel “past their sell-by date” and thus at a vulnerable stage in their lives, many fall into the trap of an extra-marital relationship. Sadly, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Please note: I do not advocate staying together for the children’s sake if the marriage has totally collapsed. Children need to feel secure in a home where there is no tension and bickering. However, children will always be at risk psychologically in the case of divorce as:-
* Every child wants to have both parents and will do his best to remain loyal to both, thus causing inner conflict and turmoil.
* A child needs a stable family life. Parents going through a divorce are struggling themselves to come to terms with the situation and may find it difficult to give the children the essential love and attention they need, especially at this time.
* Parents use their children as a means of retaliation. Often a parent will deliberately go against the mother’s/father’s way of upbringing to “get back at” and upset the other partner. Using a child in this way makes matters worse for the child.
* A child usually emulates his parents and models his behaviour on theirs. In a family where there is open hostility between parents, the child is presented with a disturbed model of behaviour which he is likely to imitate.
According to Woolfson, most of the bad psychological effects of divorce seem to lessen after a couple of years, once the family rebuilds itself and adjusts to new circumstances. However the responsibility for carrying the family through the crisis rests with the parents. Any emotional damage resulting from parental separation will not be permanent if the adults act in a sensitive and reasonable way.
One study of divorced families found that after 5 years, a third of the children were coping well and had no emotional difficulties, a third were coping reasonably well, and the remainder were displaying signs of emotional difficulties. The main difference between the ‘copers’ and the other 2 groups were that they saw both parents regularly. The children with emotional difficulties were those who seldom, if ever, saw one of their parents.
I have realised throughout the years that no-one has the right to point a finger at divorce until they have walked in the shoes of the couple. However, the saddest part of divorce is always the children - the fruit of the couple - who love both parents dearly and now have to separate from the one for a time. I say separate because it is true. Although the child will get to see his/her mother/father once a week/every 2nd week, it is not the same as having Mom and Dad ‘there’ all the time. There’s a gaping hole, a wound that is so sore as it reaches the very core of the child. The child will not be able to explain this ache and may start acting different from his/her normal behaviour. The child may revert to babyish habits or start being cheeky. The child feels insecure - one of the 2 pillars of strengths he/she has relied on for comfort, security, stability has now been removed and he/she is left floundering and insecure. Instead of remaining firm and consistent to provide that security and saying “Hey I’m here still, I haven’t changed, lean on me twice”, five times out of ten the ‘left behind’ parent displays sympathy and leniency towards the child. Parents need to realise that the child still needs to feel there are boundaries and Mom and Dad are still his/her pillar of strength.
I can just imagine the heartache all round, the pain must be so deep for all involved and one cannot blame any member of the triangle (mom, dad and child) for not knowing how to act. I have over the many years seen many, many parents/children go through divorce and the emotional upheaval is really not pleasant.
Possible reasons why marriages don’t last today as in the past
* Today divorce is too easy and people are much too busy, or don’t think they need, for counselling to discover problems and to work on them.
* Female independence - women as a social group are far more
independent today and have a different identity from women in the past. They are able to provide for themselves as most women today are working.
* Pride, Ego, Unforgiveness
(Although hard to bear, an unfaithful spouse can be forgiven once if there is true repentance). Some people are not willing to humble themselves and ask for forgiveness, whilst others are not willing to forgive. It always amazes me when parents and I have a meeting - the finger mostly points outwards and never inwards. No-one is, nor can ever be, perfect. Acknowledge your faults and work on them.
* Fashion
Single parenthood is socially accepted today and is even quite fashionable! Vows made e.g. “Till death do us part” are totally forgotten. Couples are not willing to stop and reconsider, to go for counselling to reflect and ask God to renew the love that once was.
* Girls/Boys Night out
I personally don’t agree with this practice. I believe when a couple is joined in marriage they become “one”. Why does the one half have to leave the other half behind? Too many times I’ve seen the one half meet someone else on ‘girls/boys’evenings out and the marriage is no longer half + half = 1, but half + 1 and a half trying to be one! Should a husband/wife wish to play a sport/attend a lesson or a new hobby etc. on a weekend, I see no harm in this. However, to go out and mix with other singles who are on the constant ‘look-out’ for a woman/man, is to invite trouble.
* Immaturity and Irresponsibility
Many people are immature today and have no sense of responsibility. I believe if you are mature enough to get married or have a child, you are old enough to accept the responsibility! It is up to the man to create a home for his family, to love and appreciate his wife and to protect and nurture her. Women need to nurture their husband and children, be at their husband’s side to encourage him, love him and boost him.Families need to do things together. Supper time should see the family sitting together having their meal around a table.
• Pressure, Neglect and Greener Grass
There is a lot of pressure on couples today. Most mothers have to work and it is not easy to juggle the roles of wife/mother/lover/provider/cook/housekeeper etc. etc. Most young couples still have their parents alive and have to play the role of son/daughter. Often things get too much and in the crazy world of life the spouse is usually the one who is neglected because “he/she will understand”. However, the ego needs to be boosted now and again, one doesn’t want to feel “past their sell-by date” and thus at a vulnerable stage in their lives, many fall into the trap of an extra-marital relationship. Sadly, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Please note: I do not advocate staying together for the children’s sake if the marriage has totally collapsed. Children need to feel secure in a home where there is no tension and bickering. However, children will always be at risk psychologically in the case of divorce as:-
* Every child wants to have both parents and will do his best to remain loyal to both, thus causing inner conflict and turmoil.
* A child needs a stable family life. Parents going through a divorce are struggling themselves to come to terms with the situation and may find it difficult to give the children the essential love and attention they need, especially at this time.
* Parents use their children as a means of retaliation. Often a parent will deliberately go against the mother’s/father’s way of upbringing to “get back at” and upset the other partner. Using a child in this way makes matters worse for the child.
* A child usually emulates his parents and models his behaviour on theirs. In a family where there is open hostility between parents, the child is presented with a disturbed model of behaviour which he is likely to imitate.
According to Woolfson, most of the bad psychological effects of divorce seem to lessen after a couple of years, once the family rebuilds itself and adjusts to new circumstances. However the responsibility for carrying the family through the crisis rests with the parents. Any emotional damage resulting from parental separation will not be permanent if the adults act in a sensitive and reasonable way.
One study of divorced families found that after 5 years, a third of the children were coping well and had no emotional difficulties, a third were coping reasonably well, and the remainder were displaying signs of emotional difficulties. The main difference between the ‘copers’ and the other 2 groups were that they saw both parents regularly. The children with emotional difficulties were those who seldom, if ever, saw one of their parents.
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